A teacher at my son’s school recently hypothisized that the amount of heat and motion in some dryers could be causing the socks to be sent through a space time worm hole. He went on to speculate that somewhere in space there could be a planetary type mass larger than our moon made up entirely of socks without matches. Truely FASCINATING!
A very drunk…I mean…deep undercover informant for The 1SCC has recently gone “off the record” saying that our socks are being plundered by knomes. These knomes are allergic to dirty socks. This is why the socks continue to dissapear after they go into the dryer, usually one at a time! She went on to add that the leader’s name was Hairy & the knomes’ theme song was “Mother” by Danzig… curious INDEED! Stay vigilant!
I recently found a single sock behind the entertainment center in my son, Jordan’s, room. The problem is it was not one of HIS socks!!! This latest developement could prove to be crucial. Perhaps the socks have an escape route to unknown oblivian via the back of our homes’ entertainment centers. Check behind your TVs at once & maybe we can stop losing halves of pairs of socks for good!!!
I was at Franky Fernando’s house the other day to toss the old pigskin around in preparation for his family’s annuall day after Christmas football game. After our brush with football mediocrity in the field across the street from his house, we went back inside to roll one up so we could burn one down. His lovely fiance Allison was looking after little Mack & doing some luandry when I heard her say to Franky “Where’s the other sock that goes with this one?!?” It was then that I realized that I was not alone in the Universe!!! And the idea for this collumn was born!
For years now, I told her, my wife, son, & I had been losing halves of pairs of socks with no plausible explanation. We have several lone rangers in the sock drawers…( & YES I JUST PLURALIZED LONE RANGER!!!)Nike socks that don’t match eachother…striped socks with no twins…It’s anarchy! We figured it was simply a strange phenomenon, exclusive to our washer & dryer. Or…our dogs were hiding them…
After mulling this over with the Fernando’s I decided to do more research. I quickly ruled out dogs because Franky doesn’t have one. Maybe it’s been our cat all along. They have a cat. Or…There’s the lint trey to collect lint. Is there perhaps an unknown ’sock’ trey to catch…socks? And if so, why is it catching them? Where would they go otherwise?
This is only the beginning. Stay tuned for more “One Sock ‘chronic’ Chronicles” to see what I discover. Please leave your comments and any personal stories you may have about one sock chaos. See you tonight at LoneStar…
-Joey Black